


The sum of vices

by usedupshiver



Series: Drowning Sorrows [12]
Category: Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, Fluff and Smut, Jötunn Loki, Loki Feels, M/M, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-20
Updated: 2014-08-20
Packaged: 2018-02-14 01:01:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2171973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usedupshiver/pseuds/usedupshiver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A habit is never truly broken, it is simply replaced by a new one. Tony finds himself settling into a new set of habits easier than expected, but maybe he had some of his old ones completely wrong to begin with?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The sum of vices

Tony was getting used to waking up the same way, and this day was no different.

He always fell asleep with his head on the pillow, sure, but when he woke up, it was another story. Then he had somehow moved down on the bed, placed on his side, with his face resting against Loki, who always was on his side as well. Tony had his arm around Loki's waist, and his head by Loki's chest. Close enough that all he could feel was that slow, steady heartbeat under the firm muscles, and the way the just as slow, steady breathing flexed the ribcage.

Every morning the same.

( _And most mornings, something hot and hard pressed against his abdomen. But not today. Probably because Loki seemed to still be asleep._ )

Tony didn't open his eyes. He just tried to take it all in. The soft skin against his. The way their legs were comfortably tangled under the covers. The way both Loki's arms around his back made him feel.

But mostly, that heartbeat against the side of his face.

He had never been that much for cuddling before. Somehow, this didn't feel the same way, though. Loki never got too warm, and the way their bodies just seemed to, well, fit together, made it more comfortable than anything like it had ever been before.

_(Would it be okay if I just burrowed in here forever?)_

Tony drew in a long, slow breath through his nose, smelling Loki and nothing more.

* * *

An hour later, Tony was flat on his back on the cold hardwood floor, staring up into Loki's sneering face. The razor sharp blade of a dagger on his throat, the back of it resting against Loki's lean, hard forearm. Loki seemed to consist of about a thousand lead heavy limbs, all pinning him down.

Helpless.

A lamb for slaughter.

”Fucking _hell_.” He dared only breathe the words. It felt like any more movement in his throat would slice him wide open. ”I think I might need to change my underwear.”

The sneer shifted into a smirk, and Loki leaned back, taking the dagger with him. His left hand was still on Tony's chest, pinning him, his legs astride Tony's, firmly keeping them against the floor.

”This won't work.” Tony could use his normal voice now. ”I can't even fucking see you coming! How am i supposed to defend myself when you're that fast? If you just let me suit up, I'll -”

”I told you. You cannot rely on the armour alone. You do not live in the thing, after all, do you?”

”I should at least have clothes on. Or you should have. You're fucking distracting like this.” Tony went to lift his head off the floor to sneak a peek.

As soon as his muscles started to make the intended movement, Loki's hand slid from his chest up to his throat, forcing him to stay flat. Instinct made Tony swallow convulsively and tense up, before his brain could kick in and explain that there was actually no preassure on him what so ever. He was just being held in place, the hand completely controlled and steady. Which was pretty impressive, since Loki was holding the dagger in his other hand, leaning forward on his knees. The hand on Tony's throat was his only support, and he didn't put any weight on it. Holding a position like that for more than a few seconds would have had Tony' shaking with effort, and he wasn't exactly weak.

”There will always be distractions.”

”I know that! I'm not ancient, like some people I might mention, but I wasn't born yesterday. You know I've been in a fight or two before, right? You even watched me take on Thor, damn it!”

”That I did. Most amusing.” The smirk turned into a grin. ”You held up better than I would have expected, I'll admit that, but both of you are somewhat lacking in... Finesse.”

”Fuck you.”

”You really have to do better than this if you are going to throw claims like that around. Some things you earn.”

”Hey! You never had to fight me for my ass!”

”That simply means I had already earned it.”

”Damn. I'm going to have to start making you fight for it now, aren't I?”

”Do you consider that wise?”

”You know that sounds pretty goddamn threatening when you still have your hand on my throat, right?”

”Yes.”

The hand didn't move.

Tony attempted a scowl, to see where that led him.

"Bet you didn't have to learn how to do this with a naked guy on top of you." Tony thought about it, and then raised an eyebrow. "Or did you?"

Loki finally sat back on his heels, releasing his grip on Tony. With a flick of his fingers, he sent the dagger back where it had come from, and then turned to give Tony a strange expression. Even though his lips were smiling, there was sadness moving in his eyes.

"I did not. A woman taught me, and being undressed would have been most inappropriate."

Tony got himself up on his elbows. "Really? I thought inappropriate was your thing?"

"I knew the woman as my mother, Stark."

"Oh. Well, shit. Remind me to never pick a fight with the queen of Asgard, then."

"That would probably be best." Loki got to his feet, and reached down to help Tony up. ”Now, we try again.”

* * *

Standing in the shower, washing off the sweat from the so-called training, Tony felt the cold rush of air as the shower was opened and then closed. When he had blinked the water out of his eyes and looked up, Loki was standing right up close to him. Tony had never managed to get used to the way Loki had of invading his personal space without him even noticing. But he had started to take a liking to it.

”Company. That's nice.”

Tony put his arms around Loki, let his still soapy hands glide over his ass, a middle finger boldly dipping down between the cheeks.

Loki didn't really look that impressed by his actions.

"I did tell you about earning that, did I not?"

"Sure did."

"You think that you have, then?"

"Don't mind giving it a try."

"Please, do."

Tony would have liked to call what followed a fight. But it sure as hell wasn't. Something that was over before you had hardly even started it was not a fight. It was more like an incident. This incident left him on his knees on the tiles. Loki's hand on his head let him know he was to stay there, and he was really in no shape to get up anyway. His head was spinning.

Not because any blows had been dealt. It was just the speed of it. Fucking unreal!

"That was pathetic, Anthony."

Through his own eyelashes, past Loki's arm and the curls of wet, black hair hanging in front of it, he couldn't see much of the pale face. But he could see enough to tell it was smiling.

On the other hand, his position made it a lot easier to tell that no matter how pathetic his performance had been, Loki sure had enjoyed it. Or was enjoying the outcome of it. Or both. Probably both.

It also made it easy to envision himself adding to the enjoyment. Tony found himself unsure about that thought, though. It was a new thing, after all.

He didn't really count what he had done that first nightly visit. His hands had done the job, really, and the rest had just been him, unable to resist the temptation of getting a taste of something completely new and alien. Not really a chance you got often, after all, was it?

Sure, Loki's icy mouth had almost driven him insane once, and then there had been that sweet, sweet thing with the maple syrup, but he had never given any of that kind of attention back.

For some reason, being fucked by Loki felt a lot less intimate and intimidating than opening his mouth to let him in.

"Truly unimpressive", Loki mumbled. "After that, I would say you are really not deserving of anything."

The long fingers twisted into his hair then, tilting his head slightly back instead of just holding it in place. 

”I am not convinced you have even earned keeping your eyes open, but then again, I like them better that way.”

Loki's free hand came closer then, but it didn't reach for Tony. Instead Loki curled his fingers around himself, in a slow, deliberate movement, and began stroking. Slowly, almost thoughtful, never taking his eyes off Tony's face.

For a moment, Tony wasn't sure where this left him. Part of him had thought Loki would just force his mouth open. Finding he had a completely other plan, Tony wasn't clear on how to handle Loki handling himself. He sure couldn't stand meeting those bright eyes staring straight into him, so, of course, he ended up studying Loki's actions a bit closer than he had ever thought he would.

At the same time, he was asking himself why he didn't even try to get up.

He wasn't dizzy anymore, so he sure could try to put up some form of symbolic resistance. Prove that kneeling on the floor watching someone jerk off wasn't really the right place for Tony Stark. At all.

Tony didn't think of himself as the type to just submit to things. Any kind of things. And certainly not these things. But then, something about Loki had always made it happen anyway. Loki told Tony what to do, and Tony did it. Had been like that from the start.

The really strange part was that he didn't force himself to. He was never pushing any part of himself down. Denying himself. 

Maybe because he was always, in the end, getting exactly what he wanted?

Even when he had had no idea that he did.

And Loki never forced it either. Tony himself had told Loki that he'd never taken more than he had been offered. And that had just been the plain truth of it.

This was no different. 

The grip on his hair wasn't cruelly hard. He could have fought it. Maybe even gotten away. But instead, he stayed there, in place, growing more and more hypnotized by the rythmic, steady movements of Loki's hand. And he was both surprised and not surprised when what he did when he finally pulled on that hold on his hair, was trying to get his face, and mouth, closer to what he was looking at.

Loki's hand on himself stopped. The one on Tony's head gripped harder and tilted it back to make Tony meet his gaze again.

”What is this, then?”

”I know, I know. I didn't earn it. But I kind of hoped you would let me anyway.” Tony was surprised to feel himself licking his lips.

The smile that spread over Loki's face then was the most pleased expressionTony had ever seen. On anyone.

”Fighting is not the only way you earn priviliges.”

And with that, the fingers untangled from his hair. Loki actually placed both hands on the wall Tony was kneeling by, just leaning in, allowing him to decide for himself if, when and how. Still not taking his green eyes off him, though.

_(Five minutes ago I didn't want to. Now I do. I really do...)_

Loki didn't taste of much except clean, wet skin. The shower had seen to that. Was just smooth, and hard and almost as pale as the rest of him.

It had been a long time since something had been a first for Tony. (At least something that was still on the scale of normal. You know, not fighting alien invasions or being touched by something cold and blue.) This was, which was odd and awkward, and he felt like he had too many hands. He placed two of them on Loki's thighs, balancing himself. 

Part of him was pretty sure he wasn't doing that well, but something made him more than willing to try.

It might have been the noises coming from Loki, and echoing softly off the shower walls.

After a while, he felt bold enough to pull back to glance up. Loki was still watching him, intently, intensely, eyes wide and lips parted. No-one had ever looked at Tony like that. Ever. 

He was the one on his knees, but Loki was the one worshiping.

Tony had already been hard before that, but that look felt almost like a physical stimulation. Moaning, he took Loki in again, as far as he could, gripping the narrow hips. And as he felt the muscles tense, heard the breathless shout, and swallowed, he also felt himself come undone, completely untouched.

He no longer had any idea why he had hesitated so much to do this.

* * *

Tony made pancakes for that pretty late breakfast.

He spent the day in the workshop, tinkering with the magical sensor for his new helmet.

Now and then he glanced over at the far corner where Loki had decided to place an old, stained armchair, in which he now sat reading. One leg was carelessly placed over an armrest, back half against the other, the book resting against his flat stomach.

Loki looked up to meet his eyes after a few seconds of him watching. Every single time.

And then Tony had a hard time remembering what he had been doing when he turned back to the task in front of him.

They ate their dinner on the couch, talking about everything and nothing.

* * *

Tony was getting used to waking up the same way, but this time was different.

He reached out, and found the bed empty. Cold, too. Frowning, he sat up.

”Lights, JARVIS.” He blinked and squinted at the just as empty room. ”Where is he?”

”In the penthouse, sir. Since almost two hours.”

That was weird.

Tony got up, pulled on sweatpants and a t-shirt, and went to find out what was going on. But even after he reached the room and got a look, he wasn't sure he understood it.

Loki was sitting on the couch, dressed in just his jeans, leaning forward with his elbows on his spread knees, hands hanging limp between his legs. He was staring at the table in front of him. On it stood the almost half empty bottle of Absinthe Tony had never become desperate enough to drink, and a glass full of the green liquor.

”Just looking at it won't do you any good.”

Loki didn't look up, but he nodded slowly.

”Want some help getting past the staring and on to the drinking?”

Loki was still for a moment, then another nod.

Tony went to the bar, picked up a bottle and a glass for himself. He sure as fuck wasn't drinking that green poison. He had no idea why Loki was trying to. It had actually seemed to mess him up a bit last time. But maybe that was why?

Sitting down next to Loki, placing the bottle and glass on the table, Tony took a good look at the pale face. All he could see was the profile, but it sort of looked... Determined? He had suspected there to be some breakdown going on, like the one that had reduced Loki to a crying heap right here on the floor under their feet. But this was something else. What, though, he had no idea.

”So, what's the occasion? Not that I really need any, but there seems to be one. I just didn't get the invitation.” Tony poured a glass of scotch for himself while he was talking.

Loki sighed quietly, and then was silent again. Tony sipped his glass and waited.

”Today. It was... A good day. Was it not?”

”Sure was.”

”I thought so.” Another sigh. ”It left me feeling brave. Brave enough to attempt to face myself. My true self.” He lifted his hands to gesture to the bottle, not taking his elbows from his legs. ”I got this far. Then the bravery left me.”

So. Loki wasn't running from a nightmare. He was seeking one out.

”Any particular reason?”

”Do you enjoy fear, Anthony?”

”Fuck no.”

”Well, neither do I. Least of all, I enjoy the fear of what I am. I thought facing it might lessen it.”

”I thought you could do that on your own now?”

Loki shook his head. ”No, not entirely. Only partially, as I did with my hand, but to rid me of this... Illusion that I am. Completely. I still need... Assistance.”

”And you need me to assist you with the assistance, apparently.”

”Apparently.”

”Well then.” Tony reached over, picked upp the glass of green fuckery, and placed it in Loki's hand. ”I know a thing or two about how that's done. Cheers.” He clinked his own glass against Loki's, and drank.

For a moment he thought Loki would just keep on staring, then he lifted the glass, looking more determined than ever, and emptied all of it in one swallow. Despite the burn and the horrible taste, there wasn't a single crease on his face.

Loki put the glass down, refilled it, and picked it back up. Almost glaring at it, he emptied it again.

”Easy.” When Loki put the glass down again, Tony placed his hand over it. ”Let it have a chance to do it's thing.”

Loki leaned back then, eyes closed, his face and shoulders tense. His fingers were digging into his thigh muscles.

"You know, you're doing this all backwards." Tony emptied his own glass, and refilled it. "Drinking like this, drowning your sorrows, it should be about hiding away the monsters and forgetting about them. Not pulling them into the light, kicking and screaming."

"Perhaps you are the one doing it wrong, then?"

Hey! Was this upstart trying to tell him how to go about drinking? Really?! That wasn't right! He had some experience, he sure knew how it was supposed to be done.

_(And how great has that made you feel so far?)_

Yeah. Well. Shit. All right, not really that great. Admittedly. He'd probably spent a lot of years just giving his demons swimming lessons. But habits are habits for a reason.

”Perhaps.” It was a hard thing to admit, but he somehow felt he had to do it. ”Ready for another?”

Loki just nodded, eyes still closed, so Tony poured for him and put the glass back in his hand. It was empty within seconds.

They didn't have to wait long after that. Tony actually had time to see goosebumps travel over Loki's arms and chest this time, before the change started spreading from his fingetips up. He had never seen more than Loki's face and hands in this form before, he had always worn the armour the other times. There was a lot more blue now, and Tony guessed Loki had dressed as he had just for that reason.

Slowly, reluctantly, Loki opened those ruby red eyes and looked down on himself. His lips formed a thin, bitter line as he lifted a hand to trace one of the lines decorating his chest. Then he raised both hands, studying the slightly paler blue palms, turning them to see the dark blue nails, the raised lines traveling upp his arms. He curled his hands into hard fists, and turned to face Tony.

”You called me 'gorgeous' looking like this, once. Do you remember?”

”'Course I do. And I stand by it, too.”

”You must be the strangest man ever born, Anthony.”

Tony gave a snort. ”Hardly. Greatest, yes. Strangest, not even close.”

That earned him a weak smile, but after that they sat in silence. Tony sipped his drink and left Loki to his thoughts.

After a few minutes Loki got up, walked over to the windows and looked at his own refelction against the dark city behind. He stood like that for a long time, before coming back to sit down again.

Tony itched to reach out and touch the lean, blue stretch of his stomach, but he decided to keep his hands to himself until further notice. Loki probably had enough on his mind.

When the effects of the Absinthe wore off, and the blue faded, it did so from the top of his head down, Loki's fingertips and the skin just above the waistline of his jeans the last to go back to his usual colour. He studied the pale, smooth hands as closely as he had studied the blue ones, as if they were almost as strange to him now.

”I am a walking lie.” Loki let his hands drop into his lap.

”Well, we pretty much all are, I'd say.” Tony emptied his glass and put it away. ”But I don't think I have to tell you that the best lies are the ones that are part truth. They're the ones that stick.”

Loki turned his face on Tony then. It was slightly slack, not as sharp and focused as usual, showing that the drink was not completely out of his system yet. With slow movements Loki leaned over, placed his arm around Tony and pulled him close, resting his forehead against Tony's hair. 

Tony shifted, leaning against him, nose in the hollow of his throat. ”There was this really empty spot in my bed when I woke up.”

”Oh? Well, I know how to set that to right.”

* * *

Tony was getting used to waking up the same way, and the next day was no different.

He was sure it would be another good one.

**Author's Note:**

> The title for this one comes from a swedish saying, that goes something like "the sum of vices is always constant". Meaning that if you get rid of one, you pick a new one up instead. It always makes me think of these guys. For some reason...


End file.
